Holy F-in Shit!


We’re pregnant.  Like, EARLY pregnant. 2 weeks or so.  I’m not really sure why the tests worked so early, but we’re pretty sure.

I need to back up… it’s been a while.  You all need back story.  Hey shut up, I know,  I’ve been busy.  All this sex has affected my ambition.  I’ll write more, I promise.

So we’ve been trying since my last post, kinda.  We tried hard at first for 2 months.  Sex every other day, and after every episode my wife would perform what I called “marinating”.  She’d throw her feet on the headboard and sit with her hips above her head for 10-20 minutes to give my troops a downhill slope to the prize. I kept my hands off my own junk and stayed clear of porn the whole time just to make sure my super-soaker was filled to the brim for each encounter.

It was awesome at first, but quickly became more functional and less fun.  2 periods came and went and I became discouraged, and I think my wife did as well.  The summer got hot. The BBQ’s, the beach, and the party’s began.  We had a long talk one night and decided that maybe this just isn’t the right time for us to conceive.  The final conclusion was to not actively try, but not to be careful either.  We weren’t going to schedule sex or marinate any more. I was also now allowed to “rip-one-off’ on my own time if I needed to de-stress when she wasn’t around.  But at the same time, she wasn’t going back on the pill, and let’s face it… condoms suck, so we weren’t doing that either.

Stress free sex…  and apparently it worked.

My wife decided this past Sunday night, at 11:30 pm, to take a cheap pregnancy test (even though her period was supposed to happen the next day).  Low and behold, 2 pink lines show (one was faint).  Neither of us could sleep all night.  It was actually one of the worst nights of sleep we’ve ever had.  Wait I lied… I passed out very late, and she poked me the rest of the night to stop me from snoring .  I can normally sleep anywhere, at anytime.  But, the constant poking really sucked.

Yesterday she took 2 more tests that she picked up at the local CVS.  The “better” more expensive kind.  One had 2 very clear blue lines, and one just said “PREGNANT” on a digital display. We figure she ovulated about 2 weeks ago, so we’re fairly surprised that we’re getting results right now.  However, that’s three confirmations in 2 days and a now late period.  We hugged, laughed, and then sat in shock for most of the night, and then slept like babies.

Holy fucking shit…  I’m going to be a Dad!

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